Miscarriage and Trusting God

Soon after my niece's birthday in October, we came home and took a home pregnancy test and found out we might be pregnant. The line was faint so we weren't sure. So I called the doctor and they wanted me to come in. We had just started trying. We were excited at the thought of having another one. But, I was a little overwhelmed because I knew how much time Jaxon takes up. A friend of mine reminded me that I was going to have 9 months and that by that time Jaxon was going to be at a different stage and a little older. The blood test showed that I was definitely pregnant but they want to watch my hormone levels to make sure they kept rising. So over about a 2 week period I had lots of blood work done and the numbers weren't rising as quickly as they should. I had several ultrasounds to check and see what was going on. There was a lot of waiting around for results and answers. I just wanted things to be ok. They kept monitoring me. They saw a spot on my tubes on the ultrasound but it never grew or moved. They said we could have miscalculated and it still could be earlier in the pregnancy than we think since nothing had developed yet in my uterus. They thought I might have an ectopic pregnancy since something was in the tube. This made me really worry because I didn't know if something was wrong with my tubes or if the spot was going to burst and I would bleed. What I read on the internet, said it could be really dangerous. They wanted to monitor my symptoms. Thankfully I wasn't in any pain and I wasn't bleeding. They had said they might give me medication to dissolve the pregnancy but they wanted to see what the numbers did. They didn't want to dissolve the pregnancy if it was going to be a healthy pregnancy. There was alot of unknowns. I would go the doctors office thinking they would have an answer only to be sent home and wait some more. I knew we had to trust God that His timing is perfect and this was happening for a reason. I was excited to be pregnant when we found out because several of my friends had just found out they were pregnant too. I was so thankful to have the support of family and friends praying for us during this time. The week before Halloween the doctors determined that I was probably going to miscarry, and based on my numbers I wouldn't need medication, so things just happened naturally a few days prior to halloween. I think what scared me the most was the process and not knowing what the pain was going to be like. Thankfully I had some cramping that was manageable and bleeding that lasted for a few days. Brian was able to be home with me because I didn't have much energy especially to take care of Jaxon or myself. We had wonderful friends that brought us dinner. With all thats happened its been a little hard to process. But we are thankful that it happened early on in the pregnancy and that we had wonderful doctors that wanted to monitor me. Jaxon has kept us busy and has been a good distraction for me especially when I am home with him during the day. I know that God has a plan and He's in control but its still hard when our friends are pregnant. I know its a hard thing to talk about but I've made some connections with people at church and random people (like my dental hygienist) to talk about things since they've been there too.  

 Right now I'm just enjoying my time at home with this little guy.