Dear Stay-At-Home Mom…
You are a gift of God to your husband and your kids.
But you don’t always feel that way, do you?
There’s a low-level feeling of guilt that creeps into your heart from time to time. Sometimes it bubbles over into tears, usually on lonely, difficult days.
You scan blogs and read books about being a good mom. You find some helpful tidbits here and there, often from women who are grandmothers now. Women you can learn from but who seem to have forgotten the struggle. They seem to have it all together.
In your heart, you want to be the kind of mom who trains up kids to make a difference for the kingdom. You know it’s an honor to be entrusted with these kids. You know you’ve only got one shot. You want to be the mom who teaches them the Bible, models how to pray, and trains them up in the fear of the Lord.
But most of the time you feel like you’re barely holding it all together.
Your house cleaning can’t keep up with your kids’ mess-making.
The kids embarrass you by acting up right when your guests arrive.
Your husband doesn’t get just how worn out you are by the end of the day.
You come to the end of your patience. You lose your temper. Then you feel worse.
The last thing you consider yourself to be is a “good mom.” And you think to yourself, It’ll be a miracle if my kids turn out okay.
And – surprisingly – that’s right where God wants to meet you. The place where you admit your powerlessness and your need for Him.
It’s only by God’s grace that any kid grows up to be a force for the kingdom.
You see, there are no perfect kids and no perfect mothers. No matter what you read in blogs, see in magazines, and learn in books. There are sinful kids and sinful moms and dads.
And the only thing greater than both is the grace of God. The God who says “there is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.” The God who loves to forgive, to transform, and empower.
God loves you – not because you are a good mother but just because you are His precious child.
God loves you – not because you’ve mastered all the skills of parenting but because He has.
It’s divine grace that will transform your parenting – not guilt.
It’s grace that will keep you going and serving and scrubbing when you’re exhausted and worn out.
It’s grace that will conquer your feelings of inadequacy and remind you of God’s love for you in Christ.
It’s grace that goes for the heart of your kids, not just their behavior.
God has demonstrated the fullness of His love for you through the cross of His Son, even while you were still a sinner.
He has promised you His presence.
He has spoken His approval over you in Christ.
He is the perfect Father who delights in you as a daughter.
Find in Him your Treasure and Joy. Be to others what He is to you.
So walk in freedom. Let Him hold you together when everything seems to be falling apart.
Bask in His unfailing love for you. And rest in His promise of power.
Here's an excerpt from a letter to new moms
Dear New Mom,
You see, I know how you feel as a new mom. I well remember the feeling of holding my first child, a daughter, in my arms and being overwhelmed with love for her. I didn’t even know I was capable of such love until I met her. I love her so much I would die for her, if necessary. I’d throw myself in harm’s way without a second thought if it meant I could save her. And what I wish I’d realized at the time is that my love for my daughter is a mere reflection of how much God the Father loves me. In fact, God not only would sacrifice Himself for me and you, but He did. John 3:16 tells us that Jesus died on the cross so that you didn’t have to. Why? For the glory of God, certainly. But also because He loved you. Yes, God Almighty loves you that much. So when you hold your precious baby in your arms, think about that. That love you feel welling up in you, threatening to burst your heart? It’s but a fraction of the powerful love God feels for you.
Another thing I wish I’d known as a new mom is that motherhood is hard enough without worrying about being perfect. I know that you so badly want to get things right, and I understand why that is. You love your child. But here’s what I wish I had known: Getting things right as a whole doesn’t mean you have to get things perfect in every detail. If that were true, we’d all be doomed for sure. I made mistakes. You will make mistakes. There’s simply no way around it, because you are a human being. But the great news is this: God doesn’t require you to know everything. He knows you’re not God, and He has promised to give you wisdom whenever you ask (James 1:5). The secret is to keep asking rather than trying to muddle through on your own. You already know that you can’t do it but that He can. So ask for wisdom, and keep asking. I’ve prayed more since having children than in all my pre-child years put together. I bet you will find the same thing.
Speaking of talking to God, I wish I’d known what staying in touch with Him as a mom would look like. I naively assumed that it would look exactly the same as in my pre-child days, if I just tried hard enough. But if you’ve been a mom for longer than ten minutes, you already know that babies are unpredictable. They don’t always fit neatly into a schedule that allows you large, unbroken blocks of time for prayer and reflection. Even if they do, you’re probably too tired to take full advantage of that time. But God doesn’t intend for your times with Him to look exactly the same as they used to. He is calling you to a different season in life, and one of the many lessons He intends for you during this time is to learn to relate to Him in a new way. You will learn to see and hear God in the midst of everything. Just as God formerly spoke to His servants through things like harvests, seeds, and sheep, so He still speaks to us through common, everyday items. This means that He uses things like diaper changes, bath time, and even unexpected things like racquetballs (that was an interesting object lesson for me) to teach you things in a very real, relevant way. So yes, keep reading your Bible. Keep praying. Absolutely, on both counts. But remember that your new life doesn’t entirely look like your old one, and your quiet times won’t either. That’s okay. Be open to the new thing God wants to do (Isaiah 43:19).
There’s one more thing I would like to tell you before you go, and that’s this: It’s okay to ask for help. It really is. There will be times when you’re so exhausted you want to cry. There will be times when you’re so frustrated you want to scream. Or cry. You can expect there to be times when you’re bored, lonely, or worried. Maybe even all three at the same time. When you feel like that, remember that it’s okay to ask for help. You are not supposed to be able to do it all alone. Many times we moms think we should be able to do everything ourselves if we just try hard enough and pray hard enough. That’s simply not true. Satan would love to have you believe that it is, for if he can separate you from God and other Christians, he’s got you right where he wants you. On the other hand, God says that a cord of three strands is not quickly broken (Ecclesiastes 4:12). So don’t be afraid to call a friend or mentor for help. In fact, I recommend that you make a list of a few names and numbers right now. You will need these women. God made us to need one another, and there’s no way around it. You should never feel ashamed or embarrassed for needing other moms. After all, God didn’t make you to walk alone.
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